still here... again

So we've had two really really good weeks. Which is nice. I finally figured out that my depression was fueling a lot of my negative thoughts, irritability and general numbness. I've upped my medication to a more reasonable level and feel like myself again. The medication doesn't excuse what happened, or erase what was said as I was falling apart -- but it does help to answer some questions for me and make me feel significantly less crazy.

So -- where do we go from here? Both of us are working with our therapist to deal with own shit. I have plenty of it, and my husband has plenty of it. We've also made a pact to take sex off the table for a few weeks. It's been stressful for both of us (he has a higher libido than I do, and therefore he feels like he's being rejected all the time and I feel like I'm being pressured all the time). Learning how to be friends and enjoy each other's company has been great. We are really get back to the reasons why we got together in the first place.

We have a trip planned for this weekend that we are both looking forward to. Will be back in time for Father's Day dinner with the kids.

untangle?

How do you untangle yourself from a marriage, from step-parenting, without losing a part of yourself? The relationship with my husband might not be working, but what about all of the other parts of my life that ARE? Work, school, parenting? Not having those kids in my life would be like losing a limb. Their importance to me surpasses all other things in my life. Was that wrong to do? Did I miss something? I did the best I could. The best with my husband, with the kids, with myself. Am I fooling myself into thinking that this will be the time that things click into place? Or am I prolonging the pain and the inevitable for something that just wasn't meant to work? I have been to this place so many time before --> why do I keep coming back? Is this it? Can I, should I, really turn my life upside down 10 weeks before leaving my job and starting school again? My life, my plans, my money are tied into this life with my husband.

I have no fight left. This either moves forward or it doesn't. If it doesn't - where does that leave me? No home, no job, no savings, no partner. Could I start over? Should?

The Other Woman

Anyone heard about this or planning to see it? I'd like to check it out... but have the same anxiety that I have about finishing Stepmonster -- just too much step-mom overload. The trailer for the movie looks promising - hopefully a realistic depiction of step-parenting.

http://www.fandango.com/movie-trailer/theotherwoman-trailer/140812/1_704490