Sunday, May 22, 2011

untangle?

How do you untangle yourself from a marriage, from step-parenting, without losing a part of yourself? The relationship with my husband might not be working, but what about all of the other parts of my life that ARE? Work, school, parenting? Not having those kids in my life would be like losing a limb. Their importance to me surpasses all other things in my life. Was that wrong to do? Did I miss something? I did the best I could. The best with my husband, with the kids, with myself. Am I fooling myself into thinking that this will be the time that things click into place? Or am I prolonging the pain and the inevitable for something that just wasn't meant to work? I have been to this place so many time before --> why do I keep coming back? Is this it? Can I, should I, really turn my life upside down 10 weeks before leaving my job and starting school again? My life, my plans, my money are tied into this life with my husband.

I have no fight left. This either moves forward or it doesn't. If it doesn't - where does that leave me? No home, no job, no savings, no partner. Could I start over? Should?

2 comments:

  1. I'm not sure what to tell you but you have to make the best decision for yourself -- in a way, you can't help anyone else if you're suffering, etc. If you have the opportunity to get more education/advancement, you should do this. Can you consider counseling?

    *hugs*

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  2. I just found your blog and am in a what seems to be similar situation. I'm currently seperated and divorced papers have been signed but the court won't put them through yet (long story). Along with my husband, I've lost two step children.

    I just wanted to say, you put so good how that feels like! I wrote paragraph after paragraph in my blogs over the last 18 about that, and didn't cover it as well! I hope your situation is better!

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