So I'm still here... Alive and kicking. Things are better. I upped my anti-depressants, and even though it's supposed to take a few weeks for things to start working, I feel 100% better. It's made a huge difference. Even though my goal was to go off of them, I have to recognize when I need help. I was miserable before.
Thank you for all of you comments, support and suggestions. Husband and I are in counseling. We actually share a counselor - sometimes we go together, other times in separate. It's pretty unusual to have the same therapist for each person AND to see that person for couples counseling, but it works for us. I've made a commitment to go every week for the foreseeable future. I think it's what my brain needs. Husband went two weeks in a row, and then will be going back next week. It might be time for another session together - because while we aren't fighting all the time, there's just this lack of energy that I don't like.
I am ready for change in my life right now. I'm currently on a waiting list for nursing school - at which time I will have to give up my full-time job. Not having income worries me, but I am so anxious to get back into school. I spent 2008 doing pre-requisites for the program and before that I was in grad school for 2 years. But I haven't really gone to school every day since my undergraduate days. I think it will be a nice change of pace. OF course, homework and tests will be icky - but I will be one step closer to my career goals. Crossing fingers for an earlier start date for nursing school - I'm ready to dive in.
I was catching up on my step-mom blogs today and read something from The 3-for-1 Deal. I really liked it and it summed up how I feel most days:
I started talking about how hard it is for me to feel like an outsider at times, and uncomfortable in my own home, not having control over schedules and my life.
I feel very powerless many times in my role as step-mom. There are things that I can control, but many things that I cannot make decisions about. I've been more open about talking with the older kids about this feeling and how challenging it is to be a step-mom. I'm trying to find that balance between sharing my experience with them and overburdening them. I generally let them come to me and ask questions, and then I take the time to educate them. One day at a time.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
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I'm glad you're feeling better. Still, make some time to do something either for you and/or as a couple minus the kids. It doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg -- just a hike, or go to a nursery and pretend to buy plants, etc.
ReplyDeleteThat's pretty awesome about you shifting gears and going back to school. You'll be around a lot of interesting people (I worked for a while in a nursing school) and I think that will make you feel really good about yourself. I wish you luck!
I like the quote from the 3for1 deal.
I too am very glad that you're feeling better. That quote you mentioned is exactly how I feel sometimes. Although the boys' mom doesn't really make plans, it often irritates me that she's even there at all to possibly and potentially be in the way. I think what irritates me most is that I often end up doing the planning for her and for us just to make sure that the boys see her.
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog... haven't read much yet but already I can see you and I are in similar places. Will comment more as I read... hang in there. It's the toughest, most thankless job anyone can ever have.
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