Oh how I wish this could be sent to BM. I wonder if there will ever be a place where she could read this?
How Sabotaging Stepmoms Hurts Your Children
Friday, July 30, 2010
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made for me by SD10
While I play to role of mom 60% of the time, I'm "not their mom." I'm constantly having to correct people when I'm with the kids, as they are sensitive when this happens. When people call me their mom in front of them, I wish I could say: "Actually I'm their step-mom, but I do all the things their mom is supposed to do."
I've been in my step-kids lives since Sept 2008. The parenting part is easy and fun -- the ex-wife part is impossible.
Me (27 yo step mom and new wife)
Husband
SD12 - 12 yo step-daughter
SD10 - 10 yo step-daughter
SS7 - 8 yo step-son
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- While I play to role of mom 70% of the time, I'm "not their mom." I'm constantly having to correct people when I'm with the kids, as they are sensitive when this happens. When people call me their mom in front of them, I wish I could say: "Actually I'm their step-mom, but I do all the things their mom is supposed to do. And you know the kicker, my husband and I have to pay her!" Me (26 yo step mom and new wife) Husband SD12 - 12 yo step-daughter SD10 - 10 yo step-daughter SS7 - 7 yo step-son
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Hi.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for finding my article helpful and sharing it through your blog. I, myself, started my stepfamily as a full time stepmother at 21 to two girls, one 7 years old and the other 5. That experience inspired me to specialize in helping stepfamilies, as I learned so much from my mistakes as well as their BM and their bio-dad.
I wrote the article for biological moms and stepmoms alike, hoping to develop a greater understanding between them. You could try sharing it with her as a conversation starter, if you'd like. If you're worried about her finding it confrontational for you to introduce, you could instead try having a mutual friend or someone she's on good terms with send her the article instead.
What a fantastic resource! Wish I had this a week ago when I was preparing to speak to blended families at a small parenting conference. Planning to pass it along.
ReplyDeleteGreat article! I wish I could send this to the BM too. My skids have so much anxiety about liking myself and my FH. They aren't allowed to say anything positive about me in their house, and I can tell that it is so hard for the kids. It's a shame it has to be that way. Unfortunately, I think that if that is how their mom is...that's how she will be about other family members, friends of theirs, or people they date or marry. The kids will have to get used to dealing with a mom like that one way or another. I always feel so bad for them.
ReplyDeleteMy SD's mom use to talk trash about me and her father all the time. That was a rule of mine, never to talk ill of her mother in front of her. She respected this as a young age. She loved that she could talk about her mom in either a positive or negative way and I would just listen, her mother would never do this. When I was young, my other never talked ill of my SM or father, but my SM had plenty to say about my mother. Now that I'm older...what kind of a person trashes a child's mother in front of them. Step parenting is hard, harder than anything I've ever done. But now I can happily say I wouldn't change it for anything.
ReplyDeletewww.shutterbugmama2010.blogspot.com