I'm trying to decide what to do about my name. Specially, where my husband's name fits in.
*sigh* I've been wanting to write about this for a while on here, and try to get some ideas/support from other step-moms. My friends don't understand ("Either change your name or don't, I think you're over-thinking this"), my sister just thinks I should just change it ('cause that's what you do) and my husband wants me to change it.
First off, I like my last name. It works well with my first name and I'm used to writing it. It's the name that's on my BA and MA degrees and what I am known as professionally. It's on my credit cards, social security, driver's license, bank checks etc. It's also my identity - how I'm known in this world. Plus, BM still has the husband's last name. Barf.
On the other side of the argument are several other issues. I was once called the husband's ex-wife since we don't have the same last name and they assumed we were not married. Yes, something I can easily correct someone about, but still - annoying. I have to clarify who I am all the time: when I write checks for the kids' activities, sign up for field trips, sign them up for activities etc. I WANT to be associated with them (I'm sure that will change when they are all teenagers, but for now at least). I want to be a part of them, as much as I can be. And be being a ______ (last name here), it might feel more like it. Not that the kids ever make me feel like I'm not in the family, but for some reason this name thing keeps bugging me.
So initially, I thought I had it all figured out. I would keep my first name and last name, but change my middle name to my husband's. That way, I can use just my first and middle name at school with the kids but use my given name professionally. But now I'm not liking that. I'm almost leaning towards using two last names. Has anyone else out there done that? Not really hyphenating them, but doing it in more of a Latin-American way: First Name / Middle Name / Last Name / Husband's Last Name . But will that really fit on ANY form that I have to fill out?
Arg - on top of all this, I'm just frustrated that I can't figure it out. Why can't I make a decision about this? Shouldn't I just *know* what to do? I just feel like the husband's last name will never feel like mine or sound right (both my name and the husband's last name start with the same letter) - but maybe I'm just being weird about it. I have a friend who was married in late 2008 and now her married name seems to fit her just fine. Would that happen to me if I just took my husband's name?
Suggestions? What did you do? Any other blogs that you can point me to? I'm really wanting to get some resolution to this issue.
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Just checked out some great posts at "With Eyes Wide Open". Very helpful. Hopefully she doesn't mind me posting the links -- if so, please send me a nasty email. :-P
http://witheyeswideopen2.blogspot.com/2009/06/name-game.html
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
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I use my maiden name as my middle name, husband's last name as my last name. It really helps to share their name when dealing with the stepkids' schools, doctors and such.
ReplyDeleteSharon - do you use your maiden name professionally?
ReplyDeleteI don't work outside the home, but unless you're a celebrity, I don't see any reason not to take your husband's last name. In fact, many husbands might even see it as disloyal. What is your husband's opinion on the issue?
ReplyDeleteNo nasty emails here! :) Found your blog through Sharon...really enjoying reading it!
ReplyDeleteI did what Sharon did...maiden name as middle name and husband's name as my last name. I still go by both names, and sometimes hyphenate. I have credit cards and bank accounts in my maiden name (can never be too safe!) and my business cards have First-Middle-Last names. I like the flexibility to being able to use both names, or one or the other, when I want to. And it really helped me cope with the change.
Oh, and in comment to your post after this one - I got a promotion and significant raise shortly after I married/changed my name...so that statistic doesn't apply to me!
I have my maiden name as my middle name on my driver's license with husband's last name. But on my social security card and at work I use my maiden name.
ReplyDeleteWe met and married not too long after I'd been divorced and I paid to get my "own" name back. I told husband I'd like to keep it awhile longer. But since I have his last name on my license it keeps things simpler when I'm doing things at school with the boys.
Given your situation, it makes sense for you to do first name/last name/husband's last name. Then professionally you can keep your identity, but in daily life with the husband and the kids, you share their name.
ReplyDelete(I'm here from Stepchicks.)
peace...