It's interesting how information seems to find you at the right time. While I continue to wrestle over what to do about my name, an interesting article pops up on my Google Reader: Take Your Husband's Name and Take a Salary Cut. In addition to some of the judgments that people make about women who either change or don't change their names, another point that I hadn't thoguht about was made:
"I'm interested to know more about the negative consequences of changing one's name and then "vanishing" from sources of past accomplishments that would otherwise be searchable on-line (what employer doesn't google their prospective applicant) or through other publications. In this case, the woman must either (a) continually cite her previous name to maintain the digital trail, or (b) accept that the advantages of having a digital trail may be lost."
Just more to consider. *sigh* Probably my favorite article on the subject is one from Salon. Of course, none of these articles discuss step-parents and the unique challenges and considerations we face.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
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This very true but here's another wrinkle in the blended family saga and something to consider when name changing the second time around. The first time I got married I did not change my name for at least 6 months. Not only was I defiant and resisted the expectation from my mother's old biddy friends, I also dreaded the amount of work involved, waiting in line at the social security office... But eventually I did for my kids' sakes since I wanted to have an identity with them. If we are a family, I reasoned, then we should all have the same name. Plus my maiden name was long and hard to pronounce so it was a nice change. Then... I got divorced and remarried and my second, a thoroughly modern man, admitted that he resented the fact that I still had my ex-husband's name. He said not changing my name at all from my maiden name would not have bothered him (say it was our first marriage) but my ex's last name was real sore spot. So I figured I change it, my ss card, my credit cards,my passport... But then, my kids pitched a fit. At least one of them did. They wanted me to have the same name as them. So I resisted and finally I resented having my ex's last name, especially when grocery cashiers called me Mrs. P rather than Mrs. S so I had the talk with my girls. I explained that someday they may get married and change their names too and we'd all have different last names and finally they understand and accepted my decision. It wasn't easy.
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